Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
wanna go halves on a baby?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
