sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize