don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
