Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
