I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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