In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
