Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You are the jesus of drinking
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
