I think i sorta joined a cult last night
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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