In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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