So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
