hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
