After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
