There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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