hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
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