WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
