Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize