This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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