Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
