So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
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