Where did you get a picture of my penis
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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