So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
