the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Who died my cat blue again?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
