I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
ttyl tear gas
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
