I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize