Old men and throwing up are my life now.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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