I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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