If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
