I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
