every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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