so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
