I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
