Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
