So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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