I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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