my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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