watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
