So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
