i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
