I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
