so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
