all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
