Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
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