Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
