oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You made out with two different species that night
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize