This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
