I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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