Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
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