the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
