Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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