I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
