Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
