We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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