I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
