Old men and throwing up are my life now.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
