Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
