Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
