3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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