Define "chronic" masturbator.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
