Got a toothbrush?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
