I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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