Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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