there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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