If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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