oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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