I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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