Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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