maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
