When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
