I heard we made out
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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