The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
