Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
