it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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