you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
