I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
