yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
