Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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