This is not my ceiling
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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